If I Could

2nd part of If Only post. Just click it and read so you can relate.

Things behind the past was not easy.

We started as best friends since our mothers' are good friends. We were connected because of family friend.

We've been in good and bad times. We shared moments that are worth remembering. We used to be cuddling, hugging, kissing, laughing and crying together through the days.

In spite of all the trials and circumstances we've undergone we were able to conquer it all with love. Behind those anger there are forgiveness inside.

Days become months until it become years.

We thought it was a perfect timing. We were the perfect pair, the perfect combination. We were called by many with "JoRisse" the combination of our names. Isn't it cute?

We spent a year and a half. In every monthsary, we surprised each other. All the gimmick were made and prepared by the both of us. We have a give-and-take relationship as couple.



Fast forward.



I'm now lying at my bed. Reminiscing. Daydreaming. All the things we have experienced with Joseph. It's been 3 months and I still can't move on.

There's no word such as forever. Just like promises are meant to be broken. Infinity and beyond? It's just a phrase  A nonsense one. Bitter? Call me whatever you want. It is what I feel!

I think it was just a temporary love. A love that last for one year and a half. Not a perfect couple at all. Just a typical love story... ended with a broken heart.

I cried. A lot. Every night, my eyes produced this water called tears. I even wondered how come it's endless. It didn't even failed to come out even just one night. It was like a habit my eyes did for the last months.

My heart. It's broken. I'm a brokenhearted girl.

I know it's okay not to be okay. 

BUT....


I'm lookin' forward on the day I can declare to the world that I have "moved on" that I "let go" of things that were supposed to be mine.

I can say there is no temporary in this world. Change is constant. People come and go. And....




Love is love.




If I could turn back the time.
If I could then I would do things it is suppose to be. 
If I could beg him to be with me til the end.
If I could tell God that "will he be my destiny?"
If I could resist from regretting from my past.
If I could be happy with what I have right now.

There are so many If I could in my life that I could merely think of it over and over again.

Will I be ready to let go and let God in my process of moving on? 
Will it be sooner or later?
Will I accept the fact now? This very moment?

Questions that bothers my mind. I'm still searching for an answer.